Note: I spent 5 days in the hospital. I wanted to share with you my thoughts.
Hello Everybody. This is in fact me writing. I’m feeling well enough to type this, so I’d like to believe I am on the path of righteousness. Each day presents its own little challenge but I know they will pass soon.
My outlook on life was forever changed with my recent “visit” to the hospital. It had been almost 20 years since I stayed overnight in a hospital. The technology may have changed, but the emotions remain the same. When I had to take an initial CT scan last Tuesday, it instantly opened up an old wound. The helpless feeling of being confined to a bed that you don’t want to be in, opened an old wound. Heck, even using a urinal jug opened an old wound.
But what I did learn from this trip (that I was far too young to understand when I had cancer), was the love and support of those you impact. It makes you feel as if you can move mountains with your hands. I have some incredible people in my life that mean a lot to me. I’m blessed.
Something else I want to reflect on: the sadness that comes from a hospital. Nobody wants to be there, but we all have to find the good out of a crummy situation. I had an extremely scary incident involving my heart rate. I don’t want to get into all the specifics, but it was the single scariest moment of my life.
I was sent to the ICU floor for better observation. Part of my healing process involved walking. I don’t know this for fact, but I believe I was the only one on the floor that had that option. So as I’d walk around on this floor, it had an empty feeling to it. The other patients had their sliding glass doors opened but little noise. It’s just one of those things curiosity undoubtedly will make you do when you come around a corner: I’d look at them.
Emotionally draining. That’s the best way I can tie it together. These people that can’t even feed themselves that have no flowers, no balloons, no companionship. Their TVs would be on, but they weren’t watching them. It was like background noise to drown out the pain.
This deeply affected me. I was completely sad. And it made me think about all the little and stupid things we take for granted in life and bitch about. Sorry your steak was a little pink and you had to blog about how “bad” of a restaurant it was. Sorry you’re tired from working a 40-hour week. Sorry you got into a fight with a friend over not returning your phone call. But at least normal everyday people have these options, these people I’m talking about have ZERO options except to lay there and attempt to recover. I’m guilty of being like this; we all are. It puts things in life in PERSPECTIVE for me more than ever.
Okay, “Recovering Man Rant” now over. Some have asked what exactly knocked me down last week. Well, here is a brief breakdown:
Meckel’s Diverticulum (not diverticulitis) – Meckell’s Diverticulum description
and yes, my appendix went too. Thanks for the support. It has meant more than you know.